found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
