Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
4 words: hood of his car
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Randomize
