I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
