it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
