It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
being pregnant is like rehab
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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