Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
