what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
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