this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
