If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
