And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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