He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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