Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
