i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
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