six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
