didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize
