theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
We smell like vodka and hangover
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