I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
