All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
