i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
