addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
