i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I just want to make out with him forever
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
