I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
