my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
