So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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