I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I did not marry a roomba.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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