i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
