New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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