turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
