well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
