idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
