So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
