I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I just threw up on my dentist
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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