If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
