saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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