my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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