As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
