Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
