Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
