i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
