it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
