areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I could make wine with my vomit
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
