You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
