i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
