I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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