i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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