dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
