We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
COCAINE IS GR8
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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