the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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