You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
