how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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