my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
